— Wallace Stevens

*After the final no there comes a yes* | oil on wood panel 12” x 12” © Laurie Doctor (Painting for new exhibit opening November 15 at New Editions Gallery)

“And on that yes the future world depends.” — Wallace Stevens

Last week I wrote myself a letter and mailed it. I just got it back, and as I write this, have not yet opened it.

Ok, I just opened it. What is the part of me, I wonder, that waits to open it until I am writing to you? I think it is the same part that reaches, in a myriad of ways, for the sustaining sense of otherness. But when I wrote the letter I was depending on the four-year-old me who says “write this letter as if it is from the kindest-wisest most encouraging person you know.”

*Letter to myself* opened this morning (left) | The letter to myself was spawned by the notes I wrote to each of you who contributed any amount to the scholarship fund (right, back)

Reading the letter this morning, I remember the genuine earnestness I felt writing it; the encouragement to do my very best, as if I am getting my instructions from someone else. As if in the pause between writing it and receiving it back, the four year old receives an envelope of magic. This is the feeling, in reading my letter, and I also had an insight: I noticed the less visible fragments of perfectionism in the unsaid — the “underneath” of the words, like gum on my beautiful shoes. Someone described perfectionism as fear in fancy shoes. Perfectionism, I remind myself, is outward-oriented, aligned with pleasing others, with never doing enough, with anxiety.

What is The Third Thing that resolves this primary paradox: the necessity of earnestness and the trap of perfectionism?

The third thing is called in with questions. What leads you out of yourself? What brings an expanded air into your existence? Will summer pass without our having spent, at least, one hour sitting still in a garden? *

After the final no there comes a yes
And on that yes the future world depends.
No was the night. Yes is this present sun.
— Wallace Stevens | excerpt from A Well Dressed Man With A Beard

There is no unchanging right way that becomes apparent once and for all. Starting with the yes or even the final no; starting with what is true, with what is here, puts me back on track. Allowing a yes to arise from all the no’s. One small thing is the difference between feeling at odds with yourself, and feeling aligned with your nature.

To be innocent is to retain that space in your heart that once heard a still, small voice saying not your name so much as your nature,
and your wherewithal to say again and forever your wordless but lucid, your untriumphant, but absolute yes.
— Christian Wiman, My Bright Abyss

Writing the letter to myself was inspired by writing thank you notes to all of you who contributed to the scholarship fund. It is also a tribute to the the artist and calligrapher, Alan Blackman, who recently died. He wrote and mailed about 1,000 letters to himself. We are now the recipients of this gift he left for all of us:

This exercise of writing a letter to myself made me curious about letters I have sent to others. I came across the letter below, which gives me the opportunity to remember another artist we lost awhile back, and whom many of you will remember — Rosie Kelly:

Letter written from me to Rosie when she was still with us. © L Doctor

This book was made for Rosie by Lily Yee-Sloan. © Lily Yee-Sloan

The summer is a luscious time to be home in my studio, with many paintings coming into form. I am still working on the immense pile of imperfect paintings…..

I am also experimenting with different tools for my classes. Next time I will post some images of my exploration of crayon, oil pastels and watercolor for Italy and 2025 classes….

Have you recently written and mailed a letter to yourself? What will you say to spark your enthusiasm, sense of adventure and confidence in what you have to offer? I’d love to hear from you.

There is so much inspiration from our featured artists! This month it is Suzy Farren. See more of her work here!